Cookie Monster's away on God's Business

I am having a very difficult time reminding myself that this is really Tom Waits and not Cookie Monster. I mean, I've always had the highest regard for Cookie Monster's brutal honesty in all things, but I'm not used him to being this cool.

Thanks be to Ted M. and Andrew O. for sharing this with me.

Clients say the darndest things

In real life (ie: when I'm not updating this blog of silliness), I'm a freelance technical writer. This means I've had to deal with clients and their bizarre demands. Most of the time, the clients are reasonable human beings with reasonable requests.

But every once in a while, when the moon is the colour of sackcloth and dogs and cats are living together, a client will make the most UNreasonable of requests, which makes me think they really need to take a walk and clear their head. For an hour. Or 10.


This is why Clients From Hell amuses me so much because I KNOW that these are actual, real statements made by clients every single day. There's something about being the guy who signs the check that makes you go a little crazy.

A few years ago, I told a client I was about to go on a one week camping trip in Ontario and she responded with "You can't leave! Our deadline is this coming week and it's an  i! I need you to stay and finish your work!" So I canceled part of my trip to finish my work and the "immovable" deadline got pushed back by a month anyways. So now, when I'm going on my annual 1 week camping trip, I tell my clients I'm going to Spain. Somehow, they never argue with Spain.

False Advertising and Guide Dogs

Ottawa storyteller Kim Kilpatrick tells a charming story about her experiences in getting her first guide dog. She told it during Ottawa's Once Upon a Slam series in 2011.

Bunnywood

In our fast-paced world, who has the time to sit through a two-hour movie? Especially since many of these movies aren't even worth two hours of your life?

Fortunately, Angry Alien Productions has the solution, and what's more, they have bunnies! Now you can watch or re-watch your favorite films in their purest form with bunnies for actors. Films include Fight Club, The Exorcist, Harry Potter, Die Hard, The Shining, Star Wars, It's a Wonderful Life, and the Terminator, just to name a few of our favorites.

The Last Page of the Internet

I found it! I found it! After millions of clicks and thousands of pages, I finally found the last page of the Internet and its great secrets have been revealed. It's like finally reaching that last page of a mystery novel and finding out who really did the deed.

Finally... I can relax. To save yourself the trouble, you can jump directly to the last page of the Internet. Or, if you are more electrically-minded, you can be environmentally-friendly and switch the lights off before reaching the end of the Internet.

ConTXT is eveything

Texting has become a strong part of our modern culture, or at least in areas with cell towers and strong signal bars. Cellphones, Twitter, and Facebook status updates allow people to share and broadcast their thoughts with an information-craving world.

But sometimes (most times?), that kind of raw sharing can take a bizarre, unexpected turn. Random thoughts that probably should stay locked in our noggin get broadcast either accidentally, with little foresight, or with a sense of sarcasm that borders on psychotic. Add a little alcohol to all that, mix well and pour over neurotic ice, and you've got the makings of social network nervous breakdown that therapists have wet dreams about.

Welcome to Texts From Last Night, which lists random, out-of-context text messages sent and received across this nation of ours. You can choose random messages, the best/worst of today, the last week, the last month, or of all time, and you can even sort them by area code. Not surprisingly, many of these texts are about sex, getting drunk, and work (sometimes all at the same time).

Here are some of our favorites:

(317): You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.

(267): I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.

(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

(401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

(516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.